October 15. It snuck up on me this year, I am so busy with my two daughters and their busy schedules. What a wonderful blessing. But, I’m so glad that today is gaining strength and awareness. October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
I remember a point, about 9 years ago, before I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. I feared the calendar. At that point in our fertility journey the calendar seemed to be riddled with landmines of horrible and sad days. Anniversaries of getting pregnant, first ultrasounds, hearing the baby’s first heartbeat! And then the subsequent appointments and losses. We went through three pregnancies with miscarriages. Each achingly sweet pregnancy let me know what unconditional love truly felt like. And each heartbreaking loss took me to the depths of sorrow, where not even my husband could comfort me.
I didn’t know then that so many women had gone through their own journey, and had faced the same sweet love that you find at the beginning of a pregnancy, and dealt with a subsequent unique loss. At the time, I was desperate. In my desperation I looked for answers from doctors about why this was happening to me. But what I really wanted was to have my children in my arms, and not in my memory and marked as losses on a calendar.
Fast forward 9 years, and I now understand how frequent miscarriages and infant loss are among women. And I understand that dr’s simply do not have the answers that a desperate mother-to-be desires. But I do firmly believe that through support and awareness, we can ease the terrible heartache that a pregnancy loss can create.
Tonight I will light my candles, and I will remember all of the babies that mothers were never able to hold in their arms. Your courage will be celebrated, and your babies memories will be cherished.
Much love and strength