The (not so) Existential Mom

My name is Rita, thank you for joining me. I am a mother, wife and friend. As a human being, I have always wondered about our lives purpose and meaning.



Not having found a solution, I have wandered through parts of my life without a true “north” to help direct my decisions. The subsequent result were some really terrible years. I am not somebody who will wax poetic about my high school years. Typical teenage angst, poor decisions, and refusing any help or guidance that might have been available or offered to me. I truly shudder when I think about those times.

Senior Year Photo

Exhibit A: High school picture, that is some serious stink eye! (and bad home bleach too!)

There were also some mind numbing, mundane periods. I fell into every fashion craze, followed the celebrities, and did not scratch too deep (or at all) into my own personal growth. I recall being told by a co-worker that I could seem selfish. I didn’t even flinch, kind of nodded my head, and went back to what I was talking about. Do you think he might have been right?! It seemed like too much work to worry about who I was beyond social plans, my own desires, or how my actions affected those around me.

Exhibit B: This. I knew the whole story, I was waiting for updates from Perez Hilton. Like any of this mattered in my life.

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Britney Spears and Perez Hilton

Fortunately, throughout these times, I am fairly certain that I did not cause any harm to people around me. But I am heartbroken that any good or positive impact I may have left was accidental.

As the years have passed, the niggling itch in the back of my mind just wonders “why”. So as the days pass by, I try to take the opportunities to create purpose and meaning in my life. Through many channels, I have begun to practice self-awareness, charity, and activism. Initially, the open and vast window of this task was daunting and overwhelming. Through practice and repetition (think of a four-year old asking “Why?” dozens of times in a 5 minute conversation), I have begun to find my own “north”.


At times I been overwhelmed. After trying to become more aware of my family’s food choices, sources, and supplies, I found myself perplexed over the purchase of peppercorns. Peppercorns people. Standing in the aisle, recalling (in my self-diagnosed early dementia manner) something vague about peppercorns being a dangerous item. But not really remembering what source the information came from, why they were dangerous, or how to choose the right ones. I stood in the spice aisle googling peppercorns. And let me assure you, I did NOT have time in my day for this endeavor! But it was a solid ten minutes as I clicked through links on my iPhone, unable to find the mysterious source of information I vaguely recalled. Sighing in frustration, I picked the store brand container of peppercorns and gave up. I have yet to revisit that perplexing issue, and I’m not sure I will ever get to that point on my to-do list or have the time and energy to research that particular question.

So if you already know why peppercorns are dangerous, which ones are the right ones to buy, and what damage they can cause, good for you!! Sadly, this may not be the blog for you. If you are still blissfully unaware of the impending danger of your peppercorns, no worries! I have no imminent plans of creating an expose of peppercorns. But for all of you, whether you are an expert, conspiracy theorist (it’s probably a viral campaign by the salt people to shake off the pepper people), or blissfully ignorant salt and pepper enthusiast, please enjoy!