Monthly Archives: October 2015

Only Cook with Good Wine

Julia Child was an amazing cook, and I remember watching her show as a child. It was fascinating for so many reasons. First of all, Julia herself. She was an enigma to a young girl. She had a marbled voice that rolled over your ears as you listened to her. And she usually had guests on the show with her who were obviously deterring to her expertise and experience in the kitchen. And she found such joy in the process of cooking and creating good food. And she is the first person I ever heard say to only cook with good wine.

Another lesson I learned somewhat later in life is to look for the synchronicity in life. I was a junior in high school, having just moved to New Mexico from Michigan after my parents divorce. I was failing English at the public high school (after being an A student in the Honors Program at the catholic high school I had just left). So yeah, I was handling it pretty well. My teacher was not particularly fond of me, and I don’t blame her. But she gave a lecture on the concept of Synchronicity, and against all odds, I was in class that day and paying attention. The idea of meaningful coincidences struck a chord with me. Granted, at that point I was selfishly motivated and only attracted further negativity to myself. But the idea still took root and has grown.

With this blog, I have begun to experience moments of synchronicity, or meaningful coincidences, in greater frequency. One of my favorite bloggers, Kris Carr, shared a series of videos that were available from Hay House. Through those links, I came upon a video series by Dr Wayne Dyer. Total disclosure, these videos that I found are advertising essentially to join an online course. I have no intention of taking the online course at this point in my life. If you are interested in watching the preview videos or finding out more about his course, click here.  However, I have watched the first four clips that he has filmed sharing some of these ideas. I was so enthralled, I quickly paused the videos and got a notebook and pen to take notes. That is NOT my norm, usually I am clicking between three screens, listening to audio in the background as I search through the local Facebook news!

He spoke about many ideas, but was focused on the phrase “I Am”, and how that can be used to manifest the positive and desired changes you want in your life. And inversely, how it can propagate the negative and self-defeating behaviors that we all develop. At one point, he shared this quote,

“Don’t put anything in your imagination that you don’t want to manifest in your life.”

Hey Julia!! It’s the same idea! Don’t cook with crappy wine, your food will taste like crap. And don’t let negative thoughts and ideas gain a foothold in your mind, your life will be a manifestation of your thoughts and emotions. This was a personal “Aha!” moment for me.

He also shared that as he has progressed through this philosophy, and has continued to open his awareness to the “Light” as he calls it, he has reached a burning desire for radical well-being. Radical Well-Being. Think about that. What does that mean for you? What would you imagine if you thought of your life in a state of Radical Well-Being. What is holding you back from making the changes to get there?

 

Hello October 15th, I no longer fear you…

candles

 

October 15. It snuck up on me this year, I am so busy with my two daughters and their busy schedules. What a wonderful blessing. But, I’m so glad that today is gaining strength and awareness.  October 15th is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.

I remember a point, about 9 years ago, before I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. I feared the calendar. At that point in our fertility journey the calendar seemed to be riddled with landmines of horrible and sad days. Anniversaries of getting pregnant, first ultrasounds, hearing the baby’s first heartbeat! And then the subsequent appointments and losses. We went through three pregnancies with miscarriages. Each achingly sweet pregnancy let me know what unconditional love truly felt like. And each heartbreaking loss took me to the depths of sorrow, where not even my husband could comfort me.

I didn’t know then that so many women had gone through their own journey, and had faced the same sweet love that you find at the beginning of a pregnancy, and dealt with a subsequent unique loss. At the time, I was desperate. In my desperation I looked for answers from doctors about why this was happening to me. But what I really wanted was to have my children in my arms, and not in my memory and marked as losses on a calendar.

Fast forward 9 years, and I now understand how frequent miscarriages and infant loss are among women. And I understand that dr’s simply do not have the answers that a desperate mother-to-be desires. But I do firmly believe that through support and awareness, we can ease the terrible heartache that a pregnancy loss can create.

Tonight I will light my candles, and I will remember all of the babies that mothers were never able to hold in their arms. Your courage will be celebrated, and your babies memories will be cherished.

Much love and strength

The Wrath of Grapes and Squash

Last night was difficult. Like, somebody didn’t put away the grapes and spaghetti squash and they think the kitchen is clean?!, kind of difficult. Cabinets were slammed, words were exchanged, a bowl full of spaghetti squash was thrown out, and all parties housekeeping habits were called into question. Difficult.

What? You aren’t sympathizing and sending supporting notes and messages? Of course not! Those are ridiculous, miniscule, and petty problems. A perfect example of 1st world, upper class, white people problems.

Or is it?

I bet there was a cavewoman thousands of years ago who came home after being up all day, fighting saber tooth tigers, clubbing dinner to death herself, rubbing sticks together to cook it up, and found the cave not put back together the way she wanted it. (Old bones do NOT go on the highest ledge in the cave?!) And guess what, I bet she lost it. She took those bones and threw them out of the cave without even thinking! Of course she had bigger issues. It was almost dusk, and if she made too much noise, the predators might hear her. And the little cave children were almost asleep, and she needed to save what was left of the fire to keep them warm until morning. All kinds of bigger problems that should have helped her put the situation into perspective. But somedays, it’s too much. **I do not claim to be an expert on actual cavewoman, nor their daily habits.**

I had the modern experience of that last night. It was truly difficult. Despite the silliness of the problems, it developed into a full confrontation with my husband. And opinions were expressed, feelings were hurt by both sides. As a couple, we have gradually learned that “Never go to bed angry” doesn’t work for us. Time is helpful for us to calm down, reflect on the situation, and (hopefully) come to some resolution.

In my hazy morning-after attempts to move towards a resolution, I’m mostly sad. No longer angry in the moment of finding food left out, and no longer energized by sparring for the best comeback. Just sad that I let such small things take so much energy and happiness out of my day. And that in doing so, took energy and happiness out of my husband’s day.

So today I have opened my heart and mind to the universe and looked for guidance. Amazingly enough, it has come! I pulled a Crazy Sexy Love note this morning, and it was “Be Present”. (Did I tell you guys these notes are awesome or what??)

Later today, going through my email, I read an essay that had been sitting ignored in my inbox for almost a week. I almost deleted it, but fortunately I took a few minutes and read it through.

Understanding Others, by The Minimalists

So the next time you reach a fork in the road, remember T.A.R.A.: Tolerate, Accept, Respect, and Appreciate. If you travel this path frequently, yourrelationships will flourish, and you’ll experience a richness of experience that wasn’t possible without a deep understanding of the people in your life. Joshua Fields Millburn & Ryan Nicodemus

Did I neglect to mention that my husband had paid bills, vacuumed the entire house, and got the girls ready for bed before I got home? Oh yeah, he did. But instead of noticing and appreciating his support and contributions to our household, I zero’d in on two ridiculous items and picked a fight. Our relationship is worth so much to me, but I lost perspective. If I had used T.A.R.A, I would have tolerated that nobody else thought the grapes and squash needed to be put away. I would have accepted that my husband chose to be helpful with different tasks. That would have led to respecting my partner’s commitment to coming home and contributing to our household after working a long day himself. Finally, I would have appreciated how fortunate our family is that we can all contribute in different ways, and that I came home to a warm house, and loving partner, and such abundance that there was leftover food on the counter.

 

Here is to tomorrow, may we all be so fortunate to find the grapes and squash not put away.

 

May your wandering always lead you home,

Rita

 

 

 

The Ten-Year Nap


The Ten-Year Nap, by Meg Wolitzer

I was very excited about this at first, I thought it was about how to take a ten year nap (the dream of mother’s accross the world). I quickly learned that was not the case, but I’m amazed by the insights the author has into the minds of moms. And that my same fears and insecurities are shared by a former lawyer living in New York City.

Stay tuned for a full review!

Cat got your tongue?!

Hmmm…. After months, actually years, of daydreaming of having a blog. I find myself without anything to say. What?! Anybody who knows me personally can attest to my prolific number of opinions! And I may be called a “zealot” by my husband on certain occasions. However, I now find myself questioning every topic that I consider for a post. Too materialistic, too personal, too emotional, too topical.

I am faced with putting my thoughts and feelings into print and find myself judging them as not worthy. Uh-oh. That doesn’t sit well with my opinions and being a bold and courageous role model for my daughters. It doesn’t fit into the realm of personal growth advice that I offer to my clients. Stand up and behind yourself!

So, I have some writing practice that I need to focus on. I need to write an uncensored, non-scripted post once a week. And in the process, find my written voice. I hope and expect to be proud of the end result, but I am dreading the process.

Case in point: I put “Write a Post” on my to-do list on Sunday. It is Friday. And this is the best I’ve got. Like I said, an area for growth! But right now, I get to cross that item off my list!! **Happy Dance**

What is something that you find difficult to do but still want to accomplish? How do you motivate yourself and create accountability?